The daily chronicle of my family as we embark on our quest to relocate from New York to Cairo... the impending journey to get there and the daily lives of myself, my husband and our four children... and other random thoughts while living in Cairo!

Looking to make contact with other Muslimahs who are like myself with small children living or will be living in a foreign country.

I invite you to share the experience with us as we try to make this happen!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Crazy behind the veil?


I had the wonderful opportunity to speak to my very outspoken sister-girl last night and we discussed a few things that are going on under the umbrella of Islam but all it is are sick people succumbing to their own desires/wants/needs.

Here are a few interesting things that are currently going on out there with sisters... and even though it might sound funny, these are truly some very serious issues:

- A sister marry a kaffir thinking that he loves you (because he tells you so) so you go to civil court and marry but yet he NEVER converts;

- When your husband decides he would like to make an "undesirable" a housewife and a Muslim (just so he could have her)... and you totally agree(?);

- A sister who walks around constantly saying "My husband says..."- the Case of the Husband Sayers and what he SAYS is not Islamically correct anyway;

- Or the husband wants another wife he KNOWS he can't afford (but all the other brothers have 'em) so to make YOU feel good, he'll allow you to pick her for him, online... tsk tsk;

- Or your husband have you and other wives but yet all are on public assistance and yet still making babies like pouring Kool-Aid? And most of these men DON'T work... and somebody correct me if I'm wrong, isn't this haram? Aren't you to marry what you can support???

- You don't wear hijab because your husband say so or the new one going "he's scared for your safety";

- "My husband beats me because he loves me"... immediate psychotherapy required!

- The husband can't find a job (most of them don't want one) so he makes one wife go to work and the other stay and take care of all the kids and make them all live in one house... and his function is?????

- Or the brother who has multiple wives and to cut down on his "running around" to keep time equal between them feels it's easier to sleep with ALL of them AT ONCE? AstaghfirAllah....

I don't know about the current state of some of our Muslimahs today- as I hear, these are real, live issues that are on the forefront in some of their lives... and what exactly do any of these things have to do with our glorious religion? Or even legislated for that matter? If someone knows something I don't, please enlighten me...

If you see or know a sister going through anything remotely similar to above, sit her down and TALK to her, I think she needs your help.

20 comments:

Mona said...

Wow, sad situations all around.

Empress Anisa said...

Yes, unfortunately, this is how some sisters are living today... it is sad.

Malek said...

I can not believe this is actually going on.....I was so surprised. What can these sisters do to correct this?...This is domestic abuse on a whole other level. When I first converted the best thing I learned was to study Islam and never let just anyone tell me about my deen. Especially a guy. She said if I am told something and I am not sure to consult an Imam or research the facts...Insh'Allah they will receive guidance and stand up for themselves

Jannah said...

I'm so sorry but some of those were really funny.. Funny because I've seen it happen! These people twist the words of Islam into their own desires, like you said, and call themselves Sheikhs or 3lims. Probably to attract another wife to add to his collection... astaghfirallah

Empress Anisa said...

Malek- yes, read and confirm and ask a person of knowledge... but how can someone sit back and THINK this has anything to do with our religion? It's just people doing whatever they want... this is not the type of "obedience" to your husband you SHOULD be following!

Jannah- it seems to be alot more common than most of us are aware of- I've heard some of these things before myself but even I was taken back by the nastiness of it all- let no one lead you to the hellfire....

Hajar said...

Rewording your comment ... Sick minds do sick things ... It is sad when our sisters experiencing such plight are unable to breakaway from it. Not because they can't ... more of because they wouldn't.

Lisa said...

I've seen so many of the very same things you've mentioned. Thank you for asking readers to try to be there for these girls. While it's too late for me, hopefully you and your readers can help one of these sisters come back from the abyss.

American Muslima Writer said...

I think the main thing to teach these people are:
This is not Islam
They are messed up not Islam.
And find them a way to help them in their situation.
Make sure they understand Islam did not do this to them, God is a just a loving merciful God and didn't ruin their life. Let them realize these, mostly men, are doing HARAM things that are jeopordizing their souls andthey shouldn't be associated withthat. there are pious brothers waiting for a wife still....

M.J. said...

The sad thing is we can probably all think of several sisters who are in such situations as we read this. :( So awful!

o0UmmHasan0o said...

this is a great piece of writing! unfortunatley everything you have written i can see the situations in my daily life as a muslim... arrhh and do you know if you talk with some of these sisters, they think everything is 'cool'

Empress Anisa said...

Hajar- some won't break away... and some can't as they don't have any other options as a means of survival- remember my post on educating your daughters? This, believe it or not, play HUGE role in what happens to ALOT of sisters

Lisa, you say it, but I hope it's not too late to change your situation- maybe you can talk to one or two trustworthy sisters to maybe see what your options are to possibly correct your issue(s)- I'm sorry to hear that :(

American Muslima- yes, these sister need to know that what their spouses are doing IS NOT accordance to Islam and they should try to correct the situation if they can- like I staed before, this is NOT the type of obedience you should practice towards your husband....

M.J.- isn't a shame that we can ALL think of at LEAST one sister who is living in this type of mess?

Umm Hasan- yeah, some might think all is cool... until they ALL have to answer for this ignorance on the Day of Judgement- and it definitely won't be "cool" as things like these lead to the hellfire...

ipv6 said...

Well to be surprise that this is happening is kind of naive I must say. Just a simple logic and basic nature of man, that have tendency to cheat, manipulate or manuevor to fullfil their own desire, left alone wheather it permissable by laws or in this case, religion.

There's a host of valid reasons that explain why Allah allow for the men to take more than one wife. Human being are varries in thier creation hence the need are differ. It can also in terms of helping the society (like the widowers and their childrens in war time) and many more that you all are familiar with. So there's no need to mentions here.

Speaking about the green card issue or married of conviniece, cheating etc etc, one should know that its not confined to the muslim woman (or to some extend men) alone, women in otrs religions face the same issue. There's man who looking for a wife in their pures form, and yea, there's man who's not but sing like a canaries that its all about love and practising what the teaching of Islam and such.

but for those who's feared god, they would varies and hesitate to exercise their rights 'cause it not easy to be fair, especially when it come about love and thing between man and wife. There's a thin line really. But for those who succed, a relly huge rewards awaithing thee in the hereafter. So brothers(or perhap sisters?) please be thoughtful when such need arise before you. As for the young girls our there, do your homeworks, aas getting married is no small things. Used yours math skill if you need to in order to screen out the croc and the like. I'm also speaking to myself if you know what I mean.

And yess those poor ladies who's been in such situation needs all the help they can get. So help they we must.

Pixie said...

Alhamdulilah I personally KNOW no sisters in any of these situations (except maybe the hijab and the husband not wanting the wife who wants to wear it to wear it). But I can imagine. We all need to study are deen to stay on the straight path.

Francesca Najea Lujan said...

As-Salaamu-Alaikum Sis. Anisah,
I responded to some of the comments on my post about "The Qur'an..." saying that indeed we have a serious job ahead of us to deal with all of the ignorance in our own ranks. It is sad to know that sisters have such low self-esteem that they accept spousal abuse. But, it is a reality.
Ma'aSalaama,
Najea

Sacrifice4Allah said...

As Salaamu 'alaikum,

Wonderful blog MashaAllah!

SubhanaAllah those situations really do exist and sisters allow that? May Allah give strength to the Muslim Ummah so that we can adhere to the teachings of our beautiful Deen in the manner that is required. Ameen!

Mina said...

Woah...
sad but true in many cases:(

desertmonsoon said...

Maybe I'm thick but I don't get what this one means?

"- When your husband decides he would like to make an "undesirable" a housewife and a Muslim (just so he could have her)... and you totally agree(?);"

can you explain?

Empress Anisa said...

Desert- meaning he sees a woman on the street, a non-believer, and she is a "loose" woman with no real morals or values and JUST BECAUSE she "looks good" he need to have her so he'll masquerade her around as a believer, get her to convert just to make it seem "halal" (especially when she has NO intentions of practising the faith truly) and YOU sit there and agree with it all... WTH?
Thats an invitation for hell on earth in your household.... to me

desertmonsoon said...

ah ok - i got it.

It is hard to believe that any woman would fall for that one... where are these things happening? In the US?? Polygamy isn't allowed there, so I don't see how the government would let them get away with it there even if their wives would.

I think any woman who would accept such a thing must be in an abusive relationship where her self esteem is battered that she will accept all sorts of crap.

Empress Anisa said...

ipv6-thanks for your entry and insight... great blog over there by the way!

Ms. Pixie Dixie- it's a blessing NOt to know a sister in this type of mess... and a mess it is :(

Sacrifice- Wa 'Alaikum Assalaam! Yes, these issues DO exist- and like I stated up above to another sister, some can break and won't- others can't as they don't have any other means of survival other than being "attached" to a man- that's why (as stated before) I did a very heart felt post on educating our daughters.. which is something I take to heart as I have a daughter of my own. You don't want to give someone the opportunity to make your child a doormat and treat her "less than" because they know she doesn't have any other options other than marriage. Some may not agree with what I've said but when you look at the state of alot of men today (can't say all) a good majority DO NOT treat their wives justly and they are no where NEAR or LIKE the men of the days of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) so we must equip ALL our children with the knowledge of this dunya AND the hereafter... they have to make it thru the life of this world first!
And thanks for stopping by! :)

Mina- Yup, sad to the point of embarassing... but people will exploit you if they know they can