The daily chronicle of my family as we embark on our quest to relocate from New York to Cairo... the impending journey to get there and the daily lives of myself, my husband and our four children... and other random thoughts while living in Cairo!

Looking to make contact with other Muslimahs who are like myself with small children living or will be living in a foreign country.

I invite you to share the experience with us as we try to make this happen!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Sisterhood.... where art thou?

Salaam Alaikum sisters and greetings to everyone else out there reading my little blurbs..... there has been much talk about sisterhood lately or should I say, the lack thereof. It seems many sisters have some serious issues with each other- and most don't even have a reason.... been there. As I've said before, women can be their own worst enemy.... most can't seem to get pass the "cattiness", back-biting, scandalous slander and just making ugly, sour faces at a sister for whatever reason you don't like.... and most don't even know WHY they don't like the other sister: does she dress nicer? Is she prettier? Is she smarter? Is she articulate? Is she married to a handsome brother? Does she have beautiful children? Does she wear slamming shoes? Some may read this and chuckle but these things some sisters have issues with for some stupid reason.... where is sisterhood these days???

I'm not telling you something that I haven't experienced myself especially in the beginning when I "reverted". Then I had a very good job that paid me very nicely, had a beautiful huge apartment in an upscale neighborhood and drove a very nice 4X4, MashaAllah. I later heard after a few gatherings in my home when I wanted to get to know the sisters better, that I was "flaunting" my wealth, thought I was better than others (?????) and was a know-it-all (because at the time I was working on my BS in registered nursing)... where did ALL that come from you ask? To tell you the truth, I don't know! The only thing I could conclude that it was based off of pure envy and jealousy... but why? I never treated anybody "less than" but just the opposite- I tried to make everyone feel very comfortable in my home. I even heard that I went out of my way to impress people with food!!! But I fed the sisters what I had in my freezer..... nothing special. Some said I couldn't possibly eat these things myself on a regular so I was looking to "impress"..... geesh. Lobster tails, shrimp and pasta was my favorite food (still is) but life was different then: great paying job, no kids, single and had access to buy those things regularly. But the long story short, you see how I was being bashed for no reason? Where's the love??? I was a new Muslim, new in this Islamic community and instead of embracing me for the love of Allah and as their new sister, some had their own personal issues with me. Needless to say, the gatherings slowed down to a halt and I immediately got rid of the soon-to-be found-out troublemakers.... I don't deal with garbage and if you have issues with me for SURE you're not welcomed in my home!

There is a sister on Facebook, who, MashaAllah, really tries to correct sisters whom she see might be going down the wrong path with sound, loving advice... but yet in return, she's being talked about and "deleted"..... and more than a few sisters have stated this has happened to them. If someone was posting pure rubbish, you get a million people who click the "like" button but post something about correcting people on their behavior and/or about what we should be doing as Muslims, people have a problem with that. Shouldn't you THANK your sister for pointing out the error and/or bad practice? What's wrong with us as women? As Muslimahs???

I think we ALL need to rethink our behavior as women..... but as Muslimahs FIRST because just being an ordinary woman, to me, means one thing: the back-biting, envy, jealousy, slander and nasty behavior might be acceptable to most BUT as a Muslim, these things are NOT acceptable.... and forbidden!

Love for your sister what you would love for yourself.... if your sister see you straying from the right path and pulls you up on it, don't go on the offensive and start talking smack.... thank her for caring enough to want to tell you. Some people won't even bother to correct you but laugh at you behind your back and spread gossip about your short-comings.... believe it.... it happens out there amongst us Muslimahs more than some people realize. Your sister want you to be pleasing to the Al-Mighty, Most-Merciful, Oft-Forgiving..... if she didn't care about you and your Hereafter, she would keep her 2 cents to herself!!!

I think we need to learn to love one another truthfully and stop being so petty.... and I include myself as well as I use to have the tendency to cut people off at their first offense..... my old three-strike rule: it's not right because I'm a Muslim now and this isn't proper. My husband corrected me on this issue when we first married... he told me Muslims don't cut off their relation with their brothers/sisters because they might have done something to hurt you... and he was right. Honestly, I don't do it nowhere near like how I used to (maybe 3-4 times since reverting) but when someone REALLY violates, I mentally wipe their name off the list.... like you never existed.... working on that....... I'm human.

Let's all ask Allah (SWT) this upcoming Ramadan to forgive us for our sins and let's make an effort to show REAL love for one another.... and not just for the month of Ramadan!


Coffee Catholic said...

I'm sorry to say but this is the main reason I rarely, if ever, hang out with women any more. And I don't think it proper to have close male friends so I don't "hang out" with guys. This means I end up pretty lonely. Sadly, the majority of my friends (we all live at distances now due to life moving us on) have the same lives of isolation. Something has changed in the world. It seems to be more difficult to make and keep relationships. Rudeness and gossip seem to be far more acceptable in our culture these days. Bullying behavior as well. I've seen a huge rise in bully behavior amongst adults in the past ten years or so. Some of my worst experiences have happened within the Church ~ the biggest gossips and trouble makers tend to be fellow Christians. I wonder why that is?? It's so strange.

Life's Balance Beam said...

As Salamualaikum,

Wow sis you hit it right on the head! i've had trouble with this in the past, and even so far as sisters cursing at my friends LOUDLY and trying to attack in the parking lot of the masjid, AFTER jumah salaat, all over a brother that wanted to marry her! ya Allah. Alhumdullilah i can really say from the heart that i have so much love for my sisters, and i try to emulate that, but when i'm treated poorly its hard to get out there and continue to try. if i go to a new masjid, and i salaam sisters, they look at me like i'm out of my mind, and go off in clicks, what happened to salaming with a smile and making muslims feel comfortable? those are the type of sisters i want to be around!

Mashaallahm keep doing your thing, i would have loved ur lobster tails and pasta! (few of my faves too!) and been proud that, for once a muslim sister is DOING IT, she has her own and shes successful MASHAALLAH.

Umm Ismail said...

Well well let me dip my hands in the cookie jar. This is Common because many don't know the proper ways of giving each other Glad Tiding. And from the a class i took on the telelink that Jealousy and envy is an example of a Characteristic of Iblis. it starts from when Purifying the heart and we don't don't this we are as the many examples u gave. it sad the state of this Ummah and sister hood for some is a crock of poo. I do drop sisters like its hot because We will be judge by whom we Associate What i have to do is give you your rights as Muslim. I want set by there Hatefulness or evil ways. We are to join the Good and forbid the Evil we are to hate what Allah hates and love what he loves. To cut some off is not in the sense you want give them there rights but in the sense you and foolishness can kick rocks. and you Leave a person who does not act right you boycott the evil doer until they return back to Allah.
Allaah has warned us: And do not incline toward those who do wrong, lest the fire should touch you. (Hud: 11:113)

We must be careful who are friends are and whom we call or sister.

salalaahu 'alaihi wasallam): "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of a misk (perfume) salesman and a blacksmith. So the perfume salesman will either give you some of his perfume or he will sell you some of it, or at least you will smell his beautiful scent. As for the evil companion, then he is like the blacksmith who will either burn your clothes or you won't escape from his smoke."

And when you (Muhammad) see those who engage in a false conversation about Our Verses (of the Qur├Żaan) by mocking at them, stay away from them till they turn to another topic. And if shaitaan causes you to forget, then after the remembrance sit not you in the company of those people who are the Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers)'6:68

Sister is a Like a glass vessel That must be maintain with good honorable company. just like we must be far of the innovator we must be far of Bad behavior in this Ummah Amongst the Akhwaat. This is For the ones who Listen to Naseeha and and continue to have bad manners you have do what u have to to protect yr self from the wrong doer and the Imitators of the shaytan. nd do yr Obligation and give there rights as Mumin and leave the rest. Sisterhood is only it seems for a intimate Few these days the fitnah has increased and halal is haram and haram is Halal.

Empress Anisa said...

Yes, sisters.... thanks for the feedback. I know scores of sisters out there are going thru the same thing.... but we need to ask ourselves, why? Some of us, our minds are soooo messed up, we act like it's okay to disrespect our fellow Muslimah.... we as a people, are in a very very sad state. May Allah (SWT) deliver us from OURSELVES... InshaAllah, Ameen!

Umm Kadhim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Empress Anisa said...

Umm Kadhim: Wa alaikum assalaam, my sista!

Thanks for the reading and the feedback.... here's hoping, InshaAllah, that we Muslimahs can get our act together and get back on track!!! :)

Anonymous said...

As Salaam Alaikum, I had to comment on this post. I think another thing that wasn't mentioned is some sisters don't know how to be a fiend with more than one person. So if their friend mistreats and oppresses you they go ahead with the program not even given a second thought to the fact that they are committing a sin. May Allah help us all ameen. Oh almost forgot I'm one to erase you also Ameen.

Empress Anisa said...

Umubayd: Wa alaikum assalaam!

Yes, that is a very good point you brought up.... it's very sad.We can't be the best of friwnds with everyone- there will those of us, we're closer to for one reason or another but we must have a relationship or at least be able to interact with our sisters on some level.... most aren't even willing to try for one reason or another- and this isn't the right attitude nor Islamic.

We must remember, even if we hate someone, dislike them for some reason OR dislike them for no reason at all, we must do what we do for the pleasure of Allah (SWT) and if we remember that, there would be less issues!!!

Yeah, another with the mental erase, eh? I knew I wasn't the only one..... was waiting to see if someone would admit to it as well..... :p