The daily chronicle of my family as we embark on our quest to relocate from New York to Cairo... the impending journey to get there and the daily lives of myself, my husband and our four children... and other random thoughts while living in Cairo!

Looking to make contact with other Muslimahs who are like myself with small children living or will be living in a foreign country.

I invite you to share the experience with us as we try to make this happen!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Educating our daughters

I look at the current state of the world today and wonder sometimes how the world might be when my children are older... and when they become adults. Especially my daughter since most people are of the premise that we should not really send them out to school beyond high school (if even high school) as it is better to keep them home and teach them how to cook, sew and keep the house tidy- but in this world now, is that enough? We all hope and pray that our daughters will find good, honest, pious, hardworking husbands who will love them, care for them and treat them with the utmost respect but not to seem hard, the current state of men today leave alot to be desired. Not saying these brothers don't exist but I can't see too many of them out there!

I have had this discussion with more than a few of my sisters here when we talk about our children and them growing up in this world- some laugh at my criteria (a system I almost pretty much have completely established) that I intend to use, Inshallah, for "weeding out the undesirables" when the time comes to marry off my children- which is many years from now, Inshallah! I personally feel we have a responsibility to our children but especially our daughters to educate them well just in case things don't work out in life where they can stay home and tend to their children and husband. What if she NEVER marries? What if the husband is suddenly disabled and can't work? What if he is abusive to her? Should she leave one marriage to enter another because she doesn't know how to support herself? And sadly enough, alot of men today see an uneducated woman as a slave they can do anything to and she'll HAVE TO TAKE IT as she doesn't have many or ANY other options- what should our daughters do? Become a doormat because she has no other options??? And what about her children if he decides to divorce her... do they suffer and starve as well? We as parents are going to live but so long and after we're gone, what do they do? As we know this world is quite competitive now just to be able to survive- are the "basics" for them still enough?

I'm a total advocate of educating ALL our children equally to become whatever they choose as long as it is not something haram... she can be a doctor, nurse or nurse practitioner, teacher, scientist, chemist and the sorts just like her brothers AND be a good wife and excellent Mother to her children. I feel we should equip our daughters with all the education we can as we can not predict the future and to send them out into this unforgiving world with less, I feel, is a great disservice to them. I want ALL my children to become scholars in their worldly academe and their Islamic studies as one need is for this world and the other is for their hereafter... give your daughters the education they need to succeed in this world... so let her get her bachelors, or masters or Phd- (not in lieu of marriage, of course) just in case IF they have to use it and pray to the Almighty Creator of all things that they never need to.


Umm Travis said...

Actually looking around, I dont think it is easy to find a woman so easily either with shyness (hayat) and fear of Allah. It seems they are allll concentrating on the dunya if you ask me.

Of course it IS islamic to educate the children, girls included, but not just so they can "take care of themselves" if the need arises. I mean, you know the hadith:

If you put your trust completely in Almighty Allah, He will arrange for your sustenance in the same way as He provides for the birds. They go out in the morning with their stomachs empty and return filled in the evening.

We should educate the girls on how to be a good wife and mother to take care of her family as this is her primary job. If she has time of course work is an option alhumdullah. But as parents, we need to instill the deen, the love and fear of Allah - and look for the same in her husband.

Just today, subhanAllah, my husband went to meet a potential groom for his sister, and the parents are turning him down because he wants his wife to stay at home to avoid mixing, and all that stuff. He said also he would like her to take religious classes, and the parents, are like: religious classes? Do you know she has went to hajj. Like WHAT? This man sounds religious, and they just have a whole other idea of religion I guess.

Anyway, Allahu alim, but those are some of my ideas on the subject, and I am so upset my the amount of divorce today and what it is doing to our lives (the children!) We need to think about family, and our roles, and how to care for each other, and come back to Islam.

*Sigh* sorry. Lots of crappy news these days about ppl divorcing, it makes me wonder if anyone knows anything about the real purpose of marriage. SubhanAllah.

Empress Anisa said...

Sis... my salaam to you! Yes, I agree, teach our daughters to be wives and Mothers as that IS their primary job but I also see as the growing trend what is happening all around us- most women don't have spouses either because of divorce and they can't find suitable mates. In any case, Allah gives us common sense and I feel as a "sign of the times" we need to equip them with some necessary tools in order to make it thru either by herself, in support of her husband by going out to help the household or as a divorcee with a child or children- do you know how many women are out there now that fall into these catagories and are out there begging and worse, going from one abusive relationship to another just because she can't survive on her own because of lack of skills?
With my daughter being my eldest child, she's the first one "out the gate" as far as education goes, and I plan, Inshallah, to let her learn as much as she can and earn a higher degree as I don't know what is in store for her- I pray she is blessed with a good, pious, loving husband who can support her so she won't have to use what she knows but I rather she know (be educated) than not...
some people truly feel this is not necessary- how so, I don't know.
And I hope the in-laws didn't make a mistake by passing that brother up- alot of them today expect their wives to work and don't mind the mixing... how sad.

Nourah said...

I'm all for educating Muslim youth-- boys and girls. With girls, I also think that they should be educated at a certain level or have certain skills so that they can survive in the world if something was to happen. Not everybody is fortunate to have loving husbands who will provide for them for the rest of their lives.

But I think too that there is a balance with everything. We just have to be careful that in raising our daughters to be the doctors, teachers etc, that they don't comprimise their religion in order to achieve these goals.

Empress Anisa said...


Salaam, my sister... Yes, I agree that we must strike a balance between teaching them and not compromising their religion- I guess that's where we has parents have our job cut out as to make sure with both genders that as they pursue their degrees they don't neglect their responsibilities of/to their deen.

So many people are "on the fence" with this issue but when you look at the world today, it's nothing like how it used to be when it was the norm for the husband to work ONLY and support his wife and children- now, some men even expect you TO work just relieve them of their responsibilities- I tend to say men today (alot of them) aren't really men... I know growing up in the 70's and looking at my Dad and much older brothers with their own families, it was a whole different scene than what's going on today. Men were proud to go out to work and come home to their wives and children and they didn't think any less of their wife (like today) if she didn't want to work... I just feel passionate about it as I see the current state of relations today and while my princess is only 4, what will she face? I need to know I did right by her by giving her what she needs to get along JUST IN CASE she has to go it alone or help her husband/family.